Parental Support and Involvement: Should Teachers Make Do Without It?

More and more, the buck seems to start and end with teachers.

We seem to be the only ones held "accountable" for all that goes on in our classrooms, and it is frustrating!

It's become the norm to send a child to school and hope for the best.

I have done what I need to do as a teacher to get parental support, and then some.

If I post videos and sites you can use to supplement what your child is learning in school, why aren't they using it?

If I send email reminders, and newsletters, with information about what is going on in class, why is it you still don't know?

If I ask you to read one of your child's posts on their blogs the entire school year, why is it you haven't read a single one?

Why is the test checklist signed every week, but their grades are a surprise at conferences?

If  I send an email, could you  take a second and say you received it? Or even respond to it if a response is required?

Why can trip slips come back in a day, but important notices take repeated phone calls?

Why have I never met you during the course of the school year?

These are just a few of the issues that continue to frustrate me, year after year.

All parents do not work two-three  jobs, are homeless, suffer from poverty, are on drugs, or alcoholics. This seems to be the consensus of why parental support is lacking. Others believe parental involvement is not necessary or useful.

Parenting requires hard work, effort, and sacrifice. It is not an easy job, and hats off to all who do it. If you are not willing to put in the hard work, make an effort, and sacrifice for your children when it comes to their education, teachers will work without you, but we can't always pull it off.

I don't want parents held "accountable", just as I don't want teachers to suffer from "accountability."

What I do want is a parent who realizes they need to join us in providing an education for their child. School is not a day care center. You can't drop them off, pick them up, and that's it. I know supportive, involved, parents exist, because I have worked with many of them!

If a teacher provides ways for you to support, and be involved, in your child's education, take advantage of it. If they don't, find out why. If you don't know what to do, get help! But be involved, your child is worth it!

Help!: I Cannot Do This "Education Thing" By Myself!

Usually, I take this "education thing" in stride. I deal with the every day ins and outs, trying to avoid as much stress as possible. But the other day, grrrrrrrr....I was so frustrated! I can not do this education thing by myself! I need this to be understood.

As much as the buck seems to stop with me, I can't do it by myself. As often as it seems that I am doing it by myself, because others can't, or won't, it shouldn't work that way.Other people have to step in to make it a success.

I know it happens. A child is sent to school and the only learning that takes place is in the classroom. There is no conversation at home. No one picks up a book. No one makes sure that homework is done. The responsibility of the adult that gave birth to this wonderful human being is next to none. And that child is successful, nevertheless. But that does not happen often enough.

We need our babies, no matter how old they are, to go home and have a conversation. Need them to eat dinner at a table and talk about their day. Someone to read a bedtime story. Someone to make sure homework is done, or that they watched the video that will help where they are having trouble. Someone to smile at something they have written. Someone to look at photos of amazing things being done in the classroom. Someone to respond to an email, a letter, a phone call.

I am doing my part. And no, I don't want to hear how I need to step up because others won't. I am tired of hearing that! I always step up, and over, and beyond. Maybe that's how we got in this mess in the first place. If someone else is always willing to go that extra mile, the other person can always take a few steps back.

I told my kids the other day, "If someone is struggling, and they do nothing at all to change their circumstances, they will continue to struggle." If someone does not take advantage of all that is put forth to help them, they will continue to struggle." "It's okay to try, and still struggle, but to do nothing..."

A ray of light shone on me that gave me hope. Maybe someone heard my little speech. A student who had been struggling with math concepts came in and was knocking it out of the ballpark! I laughed and said, "Girl, you are on the ball today! What did you do?" She beamed, "Mrs.M, I studied!" Snaps and a high five! That's all I ask. Meet me part of the way, and let's make this "education thing" happen!

I'm Going to DisneyWorld!: Vacationing During School!

"Mrs.M, I'm going to Disney World!"

"Fantastic, have a wonderful time! When are you leaving?"

"The week before Spring Break,we are going for a week!"

My mouth opens, and closes, because I can not say what I want to say. One of my students reminded me years ago, "It's not my fault.", and he was right. I've learned to keep my mouth shut.

Believe me. I would love to take a vacation in the middle of the school year. There was the cruise to Panama in November years ago. I wanted to go, but I didn't. Just didn't feel right blowing off a whole week of work. Did not feel right.

This is why I am annoyed, or "pet peeved" by this trend.

• The child knows they are going 3 weeks in advance. That whole "focus" thing I attempt to get everyone in my room to do ? Gone! From the time they were told, their minds have been in Disney.  They have also told everyone in the class, so how are their peers feeling?

• How important is their education? Apparently, not very. The message sent is that it is more important to go to Disney when it's cheaper, the cousins are going, or whatever the reason the child is being  pulled from school and into Disney, for a week.

• I do not teach from worksheets. Do not ask me for a "packet." I actually teach through direct, guided, and independent instruction. Therefore, I will not do "packets". I stopped doing "packets" for vacations a long time ago. (If Internet access is available, parents can take advantage of that)

• How would you feel if you missed a week of work? I have one word, "overwhelmed"! This is true especially if the child is already struggling. Just think, you go away the week before your week off. Two weeks straight, no school. Think how difficult it is going to be to get that child back on track.

No, I'm not going anywhere until it's time for a break. My kids didn't go anywhere until it was time for a break. Am I being unreasonable?  Isn't that what Winter, Spring, and Summer break are for? 

photo credit: Express Monorail via photopin cc

Ain't Too Proud to Beg? Parent/Teacher Communication!

I attend the same church as one of  my students' parents. I know her mom very well.  After service she made, I guess what she thought was a joke, and said, "I have never had a teacher email the parents as much as you do! I asked my mom if you have a life?"
I didn't think it was funny.

I told her that I have a life, it doesn't take me that long to send an email, and that I had only sent three emails that month. I guess I answered a bit tersely because she hastened to let me know how much she appreciated the fact that I kept in touch with my parents.

On the other hand, at Open House a parent applauded the fact that I used technology to keep in touch with the parents. (email, webpage, Remind101, Edmodo...) She welcomed the choice to be involved in her child's life, and was so thankful that I took the time to give her that option. I had a number of parents last year who felt the same way.

However, I was disappointed by the response to my latest "updates" email. I didn't get any more parents to join  Remind101, and only two of my parents read and commented on their child's blog. When I look at the names of the 8 parents who have joined Remind101, or the ones that commented on their child's blog, I am not surprised. And no, their kids are not all super bright, some are struggling. But their parents are involved and want to stay in touch.  I hope that  there will be more responses, and my email is not lost, forgotten, or deleted.

How do I get more parents involved? I think I am doing all the right things. I email them, have a class website, the parent code is available on Edmodo, I make positive phone calls, and have enabled Remind101, what else can I do? Is there anything else I can do?
Or do I need to get a life? :)

JUNE POSTS that POPPED!

Here are the top 5 "posts that popped" in June 2012!

I Have to Stop Reading Diane Ravitch's Blog!

Why Can't We Hold Parents Accountable Anymore?

Write On: Why I Love Kidblog!

They Did Not Choose Their Parents!

Digital Educators Needed for 21st Century Learners!

Why Can't We Hold Parents Accountable Any More?

I've noticed that whenever someone starts talking about  "the parents", people want to shut them down. The immediate reaction is a harsh backlash, usually accusing the author of parent bashing.  "The parents" are off-limits. But, I'm going to go there.:)

I believe society started a trend from which there is no escape, and no turning back.  Parents were allowed to relinquish the reins of raising their children. They relinquished them,  handed them over to the schools, to the teachers. They stepped back, and said, "You take care of them!"  You make sure my child eats, you make sure my child can read, you make sure my child gets enough exercise, you make sure my child doesn't bully anyone."  The list is endless! How did this happen? They are parents, and that is a job that should be taken seriously.

My mother raised 5 children, the key word being "raised".  She took responsibility for us, she did not make excuses. She, (my Dad helped a little), made sure we were clean, completed our homework, ate dinner, played outside, she did this.  We were all reading before the first day of school. It seems to me that when you know that someone else is going to feed your child, clothe them, teach them, make sure their work is done, where is the incentive for you to do it?

I understand that parenting is difficult, but you can't just stop once they enter school.  We need to hold parents responsible for providing the things their children need to be successful in school. If a child can come to school with the latest sneakers and/or latest video game console, why can't they bring in a pencil, a notebook, the bare essentials for a classroom? If there is no Internet access at home, why can't the parent take their child to the Public library, it's free! Do you know how many parents look at me as if I have two heads when I suggest this?

We have to stop saying, "Oh, you know they're not going to do it, so we (teachers) might as well." That is not acceptable. Do I mean let a child in your school go hungry, freeze, or not provide notebooks because their parent lost their job, or is on drugs, or any other catastrophe that can't be controlled? No, I'm not talking about that parent. I am talking about the ones who are perfectly capable of providing what their child needs, but refuse.  

The parent who will not attend conferences because they are "tired",  but will call you in a heartbeat to find out why their child didn't go out for Recess today.  The parent who signs tests and notes, as they push their kid out of the car in the morning, and then call you to ask how their child is doing.  The parent who asks for extra work for their child, a day or two after the phone call informing them that their child is not doing any work in class or at home. The parent who won't pick up a book to read to their child at home, yet complains to the teacher about the child's inability to read. (A parent told a friend of mine, "That's what you're here for!") The parent who takes their kid to Disney World while school is in session because it is cheaper, and then asks you to provide a week's worth of work!

 I have had many wonderful, supportive parents, who will do whatever they need to for their child, make the sacrifices that are required. But, I have also had the other ones. And I feel if they are going to hold us accountable, then our parents should be held accountable as well! Remember the triangle? Three legs,the child, the parents, and the school.  Unfortunately, every time a parent lets go, that triangle collapses! How can we get our parents to pick up that leg?

Parent Accountability: LETTER TO A PARENT #2

Dear Parent,
 What possessed you to make the decision you made today? About a week ago, I handed out test folders in the morning to avoid the chaos of handing the folders out at 3pm dismissal. Everyone, including your daughter, was asked, if they were missing anything. Everyone responded, including your daughter, that they had everything. Three days later, when it was time to collect the folders, your daughter claimed that she did not receive a checklist . She didn't say it nicely either. Now she could have taken the initiative and asked you to sign the tests, but that's not something I would really expect from your child.

 Today, I reminded my students with missing folders, that during recess, they would call their parents, and give a friendly reminder to sign their checklist and return the folder. Every child, but yours, accepted this responsibility. Your child became very snippy, told me she never got one, and how unfair it was. Oh well! This is how it works in our classroom.

 However, while I was outside with the other students at recess, your daughter convinced the indoor teacher to let her call you. She called you, sobbing, (as you know, she can produce tears on demand), telling you how unfair I am. She was heard to wail that I was not being fair at all! And what did you do? D id you tell her that you will deal with this at home? Did you fuss at her for making a non-emergency phone call from school? Did you ask to speak to the teacher? Did you tell her life is unfair,ask her to hang up the phone, and deal with it like a responsible 5th grader? NO! You came to the school and picked her up!!!! Two hours before the end of school! 

She missed a crucial math lesson.(Remember the conversation we had at conferences about her struggles with math, and I asked you to stop picking her up 20 minutes early just so that you could avoid sitting in the student pick-up line?) When you came to pick her up, did you notice the smug, satisfied, look on her face?


 But, don't worry, she will be held accountable by me, even as you cater to her every whim. She will learn that in our classroom there are rules to be followed, and consequences. She will learn that Daddy and Mommy will not always be able to pick her up. I will be glad to do this favor for you. You can thank me later. 


 Parents: Enabling Your Child Isn't Helping Him

"They Did Not Choose Their Parents!"

These words were spoken at the 2011 PLC Summit I attended in Arizona.  "They didn't choose their genetic pool". "They couldn't say I want two college-educated parents who love me, care for me, and make education my priority."

I realized after hearing this statement,  that many times, I get frustrated with my students  about things over which they have no control.  When they come to school without school supplies,  their parent doesn't sign a form, or  misses a scheduled appointment, or has made the child stay home to babysit, again.

These are things that the student can not control, but yet, year after year, my frustration is placed on a  child, who is probably just as frustrated as I am!  How many times has the child walked in the day after parent-teacher conferences, and I've said, "Your mother scheduled an appointment and didn't come"  The child stands there wide-eyed, not knowing how to reply. Maybe they know why, maybe they don't,but  that's not the issue.

 We need to work around the parents who are not supportive, the ones who just don't have the time.  We need to tell our children, "You do you."  "You do what you need to do to succeed."  Let's not hold them accountable for the mistakes, or neglect, of their parents and guardians.  Let's not make them bear the weight of their parents' transgressions.  Why say to a child who is late every day, "You're late again." Knowing  the only way the child can get to school is if their parent drives them. 


So, I decided to look at this, "blaming the child" thing, I had going on, another way.  I had a student who was out every Monday.   I would fuss at him every Tuesday about the work he had to make up or fuss at him because he didn't understand what I had already taught. 
 "Well", I would say sternly, you need to be here on Mondays."   


The following week, he came to school on Tuesday,  and instead of a  "Glad you could make it", I smiled and said, "I am so glad that you're able to be here today."  His face lit up with a smile,  and he said, sincerely, "So am I."   Instead of fussing, I worked with him and helped him catch up. Changing my attitude, changed his behavior. Even other teachers and my former principal commented on the change in this student.


Was I a" bad" teacher? I don't think so, but I certainly wasn't the best I could be. I'm still learning though, and I'm willing to take a good, hard, look in the mirror, and correct my mistakes.


That student came to visit me at the end of 2011-2012 school year to let me know how well he was doing in the 6th grade! :)