Friday, March 18, 2011

Parent Accountability: LETTER TO A PARENT #2

Dear Parent,
 What possessed you to make the decision you made today? About a week ago, I handed out test folders in the morning to avoid the chaos of handing the folders out at 3pm dismissal. Everyone, including your daughter, was asked, if they were missing anything. Everyone responded, including your daughter, that they had everything. Three days later, when it was time to collect the folders, your daughter claimed that she did not receive a checklist . She didn't say it nicely either. Now she could have taken the initiative and asked you to sign the tests, but that's not something I would really expect from your child.

 Today, I reminded my students with missing folders, that during recess, they would call their parents, and give a friendly reminder to sign their checklist and return the folder. Every child, but yours, accepted this responsibility. Your child became very snippy, told me she never got one, and how unfair it was. Oh well! This is how it works in our classroom.

 However, while I was outside with the other students at recess, your daughter convinced the indoor teacher to let her call you. She called you, sobbing, (as you know, she can produce tears on demand), telling you how unfair I am. She was heard to wail that I was not being fair at all! And what did you do? D id you tell her that you will deal with this at home? Did you fuss at her for making a non-emergency phone call from school? Did you ask to speak to the teacher? Did you tell her life is unfair,ask her to hang up the phone, and deal with it like a responsible 5th grader? NO! You came to the school and picked her up!!!! Two hours before the end of school! 

She missed a crucial math lesson.(Remember the conversation we had at conferences about her struggles with math, and I asked you to stop picking her up 20 minutes early just so that you could avoid sitting in the student pick-up line?) When you came to pick her up, did you notice the smug, satisfied, look on her face?


 But, don't worry, she will be held accountable by me, even as you cater to her every whim. She will learn that in our classroom there are rules to be followed, and consequences. She will learn that Daddy and Mommy will not always be able to pick her up. I will be glad to do this favor for you. You can thank me later. 


 Parents: Enabling Your Child Isn't Helping Him

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

"They Did Not Choose Their Parents!"

These words were spoken at the 2011 PLC Summit I attended in Arizona.  "They didn't choose their genetic pool". "They couldn't say I want two college-educated parents who love me, care for me, and make education my priority."

I realized after hearing this statement,  that many times, I get frustrated with my students  about things over which they have no control.  When they come to school without school supplies,  their parent doesn't sign a form, or  misses a scheduled appointment, or has made the child stay home to babysit, again.

These are things that the student can not control, but yet, year after year, my frustration is placed on a  child, who is probably just as frustrated as I am!  How many times has the child walked in the day after parent-teacher conferences, and I've said, "Your mother scheduled an appointment and didn't come"  The child stands there wide-eyed, not knowing how to reply. Maybe they know why, maybe they don't,but  that's not the issue.

 We need to work around the parents who are not supportive, the ones who just don't have the time.  We need to tell our children, "You do you."  "You do what you need to do to succeed."  Let's not hold them accountable for the mistakes, or neglect, of their parents and guardians.  Let's not make them bear the weight of their parents' transgressions.  Why say to a child who is late every day, "You're late again." Knowing  the only way the child can get to school is if their parent drives them. 


So, I decided to look at this, "blaming the child" thing, I had going on, another way.  I had a student who was out every Monday.   I would fuss at him every Tuesday about the work he had to make up or fuss at him because he didn't understand what I had already taught. 
 "Well", I would say sternly, you need to be here on Mondays."   


The following week, he came to school on Tuesday,  and instead of a  "Glad you could make it", I smiled and said, "I am so glad that you're able to be here today."  His face lit up with a smile,  and he said, sincerely, "So am I."   Instead of fussing, I worked with him and helped him catch up. Changing my attitude, changed his behavior. Even other teachers and my former principal commented on the change in this student.


Was I a" bad" teacher? I don't think so, but I certainly wasn't the best I could be. I'm still learning though, and I'm willing to take a good, hard, look in the mirror, and correct my mistakes.


That student came to visit me at the end of 2011-2012 school year to let me know how well he was doing in the 6th grade! :)