The "Bad Kid" Label Sticks: Let's Remove It!

Sometimes, ok many times, she could be loud.
She rolled her eyes and twirled her neck. Often.
Her behavior was everyone else's fault, never hers.

But as the school year progressed, she changed.
She evolved.

Was she perfect? By, no means.
Did I require perfection from her?
No, why should I?

But I observed waaaaay less yelling, bullying, eye rolling and neck twirling.
Way less.

In my End-of-the-Year card! :)

I never yelled at her.
I  talked to her, not "at" her.
I listened to her.
I would allow her to lead.
Let her use her voice for good.
I resisted the power struggle.
Had to, because sometimes she would take me there.:)
And we grew together throughout the school year.

We grew to understand each other.
She knew I "didn't play", but I loved her anyway.
She knew to grab that Ipad, set the timer for 5 minutes, and go to the buddy classroom because I needed a timeout. :)
I learned there was a girl who needed to know she was more than a loud, bullying, eye-rolling, neck twirling child.
We built a relationship.

As the school year ended, I chose her to be the mayor at JA Biztown.
She was amazing!
Everything ran smoothly, she gave her speech to the "citizens."
I was so proud. What a leader!

But here's the thing with the "bad" kid.
Some educators don't want to let go of the label that has followed that student for years.

"I can't believe out of all the kids in your room, you chose her to be the mayor!"

Really?

I have this pesky habit of believing in the "bad" kid, just as I believe in all my kids.
I believe in giving kids a fresh start, and not believing the hype that follows them.
I believe educators should stop chasing down the previous teachers to get the "scoop" on a child and then continue to treat that child the same way they were the previous year.

Thre's no magic wand to change a child.
And sometimes, what is tried, fails.
This year, give the "bad" kid a chance to be viewed as good, or at least as worthy as everyone else.

How Can We #Rethink Discipline?

On July 22, 2015 educators gathered at the White House to Rethink School Discipline.

"The conference sought to advance the national conversation about reducing the overuse of unnecessary out of school suspensions and expulsions and replacing these practices with positive alternatives that keep students in school and engaged in learning, but also ensure accountability."

As I participated in the Twitter conversation #rethinkdiscipline, I began to think about ways we could avoid reaching the point where we have to suspend students. Just as we find ways to prevent illness using preventive measures, there are preventive methods we can use to reduce suspensions and expulsions. These methods are not a cure-all, but it can help stem the tide.

Build a relationship with your students

I think Rita Pierson said it best in her TedEd talk, "Kids don't learn from people they don't like."  Teachers do not have to be a child's best friend. But we do have to show them that we care. Compassion and empathy are great tools to use in the classroom.

We are not going to like all of our students, but we don't have to let them know it. Can you imagine being a child, who comes to school every day, knowing that your teacher doesn't like you? Many of us have felt that way about some of our students, but we can't let them feel it. Rita also stated, "James Comer says that no significant learning can occur without a significant relationship." Take a little time to find out about their circumstances, that may bring some comprehension to why the child is behaving in a negative manner.

Give students ownership

It's time to let go of the traditional, "This is my classroom, and you will do as I say".. You do not have to relinquish your authority to the point where your classroom is in chaos, students appreciate structure. A teacher-friend of mine had trouble with a student all year. She stated, "We were in a constant power struggle, I was not going to let him win!" Think about the war that was going on in that classroom. But, imagine what would happen if our students were given control of what happens in their classroom? Start small, let them create the rules.  Read articles or use tools that help you manage a classroom, so that you are comfortable enough to loosen the reigns.

Be Fair

I have taught for 30 years, and I have seen this situation played out over and over. As much as we would like to deny it, race and gender are factors in how students are disciplined. When Johnny and Jamal exhibit the same type of behavior, Johnny is, "spoken to", or strategies are devised to help him work out his issues. Jamal is kicked out of the classroom, suspended, or expelled. It doesn't happen all the time, but it happens too many times. Our students are aware of the differences in the way they are treated, and it creates animosity in the classroom.

Fresh Start Every Day, Every Year

This is difficult. One year I watched the new teacher, sit next to the old teacher,class list in hand, and ask for information on each student. Depressing, isn't it? Any chance of that student starting fresh,gone.

When a student that has been disrespectful, taken a teacher to the brink of insanity, comes in the next day, the tendency is to hold a grudge.  Let go at the end of the day.  Speak to them before they leave. Let them know tomorrow is another day, a day to start fresh. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't, but give them that chance.When they enter the classroom the next morning, begin again. 

Hire More Teachers of Color

There has been a push to hire more teachers of color.  Our students of color, deserve to have teachers that look like them. Our students deserve to be taught by teachers of color, who may share some aspects of their culture, that other teachers may not be privy to. They need to know that they can becoming an educator is an option. All students, deserve to see people of color in their schools in the role of an educator. Will the race of the teacher erase discipline problems? Of course not, but, it's a step in the right direction.

Give Second Chances

Zero tolerance was one of the worst policies created, it helped create the school to prison pipeline. How many times have adults been given, not only a second chance, but a third or fourth one as well? Instead of treating each situation differently, we give all infractions equal weight. What is wrong with giving a child a chance to redeem themselves? What might happen if we showed them that we believed that it was possible?

Engage them

I used the term, engage, and not entertain. If a student is bored, then he or she is more likely to become a behavior problem. Don’t be afraid to incorporate technology in your classroom. Try lessons that make students think, debate, talk to each other. Make connections with other classrooms, experts, and teachers. Standing in front of the classroom talking, or yelling, at students is not going to create a classroom of fewer discipline problems, but creating an environment where students feel engaged probably will.

They are children

They are someone's child; I always consider them mine. I always thought of my own children sitting in a teacher's room, and the way I wanted them to be treated.Think of strategies that might work. Take a deep breath. Work with their parent. And if there is no parental support, find a way to work without it. Find their passion. Make them a leader. Love them. Remember, "The children who need love the most will always ask for it in the most unloving ways" Russel Barkley. Let's #rethink discipline, there has to be a better way.

Saying No:Sometimes It Has to Be Said!

Many Sundays, I go to church and watch some of the little kids in our church behave however they wish. They wander down the aisle, stand on the pew, and the parent says nothing. Now, don't get me wrong, I love little kids in church, sometimes they lead to grown folk in church, which is nice.  However, I think there is a point when the parents should say no, this is not acceptable.

When I go to the supermarket, I watch children run through the store. The parent calmly continues shopping, calling out the names of their little, (or big), ones as if playing Marco Polo. Meanwhile, caring adults keep them from harm's way.

Sitting in a restaurant, a little one practically climbs over the booth onto your back. The parents smile, as if they are helpless to control the behavior of their child.

I know some of us had it rough growing up, and we don't want our children to go through what we went through, but you know what? Someone's going to have to disappoint a child once or twice in their life and tell them no, tell them this is not going to work.

No, you have to stay in the pew.  No, you can not stand on the bench. No, you can not run around the store. And, no, you have to stay on our side of the booth. And, if an explanation is deemed necessary by the adult, by all means do so.

When the children of "Yes" attend school, it's a shock to their system.
"Oh,no he/she didn't just tell me I couldn't..."
Or, they want a lengthy explanation as to why they can't or they think it's up for debate. I'm sorry, I don't have that kind of time, and I have way too many students. (I find that establishing rules, routines, and procedures helps eliminate the need for an explanation.)

When raising my own children, there were times when I gave in, and times when I said no, There were times I explained, and times when I went to the tried and true method, "because I said so."

As adults, we have to learn to say no to others as well, not just children. No, I am not attending that workshop. No, I choose not to use this in my classroom. No, I am not giving the test on the deadline date, my students are not ready. No, I am not willing to accept your evaluation of my teaching skills. And in an adult to adult case, I would definitely explain why.

Here's the thing with "no" though. It's a lot harder than "yes." When you say no, you have to be able to back it up. If you say no, you can't stand on the bench, and you give a full explanation for why, chances are that kids is still going to stand on the bench. When you say you are not attending another meeting, or doing another "thing", chances are you might experience retribution. "No" is not easy.

It's okay to say No. If we're going to create responsible adults, and/or maintain our sanity, sometimes "No" has to be said.

photo credit: nathangibbs via photopin cc

Classroom Management Skills to Help You Survive the Year!

Is it really that bad? You're doomed? Don't panic, it doesn't mean that you don't have a chance to turn things around. You always have another chance. Some can turn it around during the school year, and some have to wait for a fresh start. Either way, it's not hopeless.:)

Everyone has advice on how to manage a classroom. If you choose someone else's advice, tweak it and make it your own. Below are some ways I have learned to manage my class over the last 29 years.

• Love them.      You are not always going to like them, but you should love them. I treat my students the way I would want someone to treat my child. I spend too many hours in the day, and months in the year, not to think of them as my own kids.
• Respect them.  It is not okay to call a child names, ever. Whatever you are thinking, should not come out of your mouth. I take a "Woo-sah", give the kid a timeout, or I will take a timeout before I say something I will regret. And, unfortunately, respect is not always a 2-way street, but we are the adults in the room.
• Being  Mean Doesn't Work  There's a difference between being a teacher who will not let the kids run all over them and being mean. A mean teacher uses sarcasm to put students down. A mean teacher discusses a child's personal issues in earshot of other students and/or adults. A mean teacher does his/her best to make a child as miserable as they are, on a consistent basis. Humiliation is not a form of classroom management!
• Be Consistent  There are routines I follow in my classroom that I stick with all year. There are consequences to certain actions. I work hard on avoiding favorites, so that I can treat all my students fairly. 
• Be flexible  Wait a minute! Didn't I just say to be consistent? Well, you have to be able to change when necessary. You have to make adjustments.
• Smile and/or Laugh    A smile cures so many ailments. My students always get a kick out of seeing me laugh, especially when it's " tears flowing from my eyes" laughter.  It definitely helped build a connection between my students and I. 
  
• I am Not Their Friend There are many teachers who do not agree with me on this point. However, my friends are grown folks who are my peers. If I am going to make new friends at this time in my life, they are not going to be 10 or 11 years old. There is a line that my students know they can not cross, and that's because of our adult/child relationship. If you treat the student as your friend, then they will probably treat you the way they treat their friends.
• Screaming and Yelling are Useless I can't say this enough. They.do.not.hear.you. Seriously, they don't hear you. It's like the "Charlie Brown" classroom, "Wub, Wub, Wub". Being calm works so much better than screaming, I learned that a long time ago. If I ever raise my voice, and I rarely do, my kids know, "Oh,oh!"
• Find Out "Why?" We are overwhelmed with everything that is required of us,it makes us lose sight of the little things that might make a difference. Sometimes we have to take a second and find out why a particular child is acting out. Our rush to judgement oftentimes leads us to handle students in a matter that only exacerbates a situation.
• Engage and Challenge them. We are certainly not paid to entertain. So no, you don't have to sing, dance, and dress in costumes. Although I do dance and sing, I have stayed away from costumes.:) I can't keep them from being bored every second of the day, but I've found student guided learning, and integrating technology, work a lot better than constant teacher directed learning, teaching to the test, and textbooks. Make sure perceived notions of your class "population" doesn't keep you from holding them to high expectations.

Are these magical cures that will give you a stress-free, perfectly run ,classroom? Absolutely not! But trying to put some of these in place, especially if you are just starting out, and they might help!

"That Teacher": A Blessing or a Curse?

In February I read an article by Angela Watson, "Should All the Toughest Kids Be Placed With the Best Teacher?" I clicked the box to notify me of follow-up comments because I thought it was such an interesting topic. A lot of discussion ensued, and even now, I still get a comment notification regarding the blog post.

As we approached the end of the 2012-2013 school year, Angela's question popped into my head. I don't know if you do this, but towards the end of the school year, I start looking at the students in the previous grade. Then I mentally choose  the kids who will be in my class. I just KNOW these kids will be in my class. And I am usually right!

And it's not so much that I consider myself the "best" teacher. But I have learned a thing or two about classroom management. I have managed to build a "no-nonsense, but will love you to death" rep that has followed me from year to year. Thus, I end up with the "tough" kids.

I enjoy taking that kid who has had a rough time of it and changing them using the strategies I employ. Do I always change a kid? No. There are school years that have ended with me having a lot more gray hairs than I started with, and the student hasn't changed one bit. But more times than not, something changes, attitudes, work ethic, something.

But should "that teacher" always have that struggle? Does a teacher always want to be the classroom where the "toughest" kids go ? Wouldn't it be nice to have a class where there is not a daily struggle to earn the respect you deserve? Employing strategies that will get a student to sit down and get to work? Getting this student(s) to not be a distraction or disruption to others?

I'm fortunate. I also end up with students who are not so "tough". This creates a good mix and sometimes one type of kid rubs off on the other. (More than likely, positive vs.negative).

On one hand, you're honored that your peers or principal think that you can "handle" that student. You meet the challenge year after year, and love the feeling when you know you have had a positive effect on that child.

But, on the other hand, you don't want to spend the rest of your years with a class loaded with students you feel have been put in your class so that you can keep them out of the Principal's office.So I ask, being "that teacher", is it a blessing or a curse?

You Catch More Flies with Honey! Lesson ReLearned!

It's funny because I wrote this post in March 2012, and ended the title with the words, "lesson learned". I guess I forgot the lesson.

The good part is that I remembered, and applied it. :)

A little girl in my Book Club had been driving me crazy! She was only with me for 30 minutes, but she truly got under my skin. She walked into my room as if I was the worst thing that could happen to her. She had an attitude that was defiant. She refused to read, wouldn't join in discussions,etc..

And instead of  avoiding a power struggle with her, the sensible thing to do, I engaged her. Yes, I know, I should know better. She wasn't going to get the best of me, oh no! I was going to make her change her attitude because I was the TEACHER!

One day, we began reading our new books. The kids had to watch the book  trailer and then write their predictions on an index card, which then became their bookmark. ( I used Symbaloo to post the book trailers.) At the end of the story, they would be able to see if their predictions were correct.

I stood  next to her a s I spoke. All the kids were excited about the new books. Not her. Her lip was out with a sullen expression on her face. And then I did something small that made a huge difference. I turned to her, handed her the index cards, and said, "J, will hand out the index cards.' J, please make sure everyone gets one."

She got up, handed out the cards, and made sure everyone got one. Sullen expression, gone.  She watched the trailer, wrote on her index card, and read. Yes, she actually read.

Things went well between us after that. She read. She participated. She became enjoyable, and I'd guess, she felt the same way about me.:)

"And I know no matter how much honey you put on that spoon, there are the kids who will ...not change one iota.  But, sometimes, the honey works, sometimes you catch more flies.:)"

If You're Happy and You Know It...! Happy Students = Happy Teachers!

Clap your hands!

About a week ago, I was feeling pretty frustrated with this whole teaching thing. I was worrying whether or not the way I was feeling physically, had to do with the stress of my job.

And then I received an email that put a huge smile on my face. Now, keep in mind, the thing that put a huge smile on my face is not something that everyone would get excited and happy about. Understand too, that I am VERY passionate about edtech!

The email stated that the district would begin implementing  BYOD in April, and was I interested in being one of the teachers who pilot it? I would get a chrome notebook, Apple TV etc..., the rest was a blur. I  had a grin on my face for the rest of the day. I was happy! :-) Yeah, I'm easy.

It made me think, what makes my students happy? I know they have no choice,  they have to be there. But the year we spend together is so much more enjoyable when they're happy to be there. And no, every day is not going to be idyllic, but if a larger percent of it is, my job is so much easier.

And I mean, productive happy. You know, and I know, some of our students would be happy doing absolutely nothing all day. Or happy socializing. Or texting. And I definitely don't mean "running all over the teacher, do whatever I want" happy either.

What are some things that make my students happy? 

• Morning Meeting sharing
• Brainpop jokes and Wonderopolis videos
• time on the computer
• Creating: videos, comic strips, animations,etc...
• blogging
• Mystery Skypes
• lunch with the teacher 
• my laughter
• figuring out, and then getting,  the right answer
• Dojo points
• pen pal letters
• tweeting
• Read Aloud
• connecting on Edmodo

 Find out what makes your class happy. A happy class, a happy teacher!The great thing about this list is that none of these things cost a cent! They allow my class and I to be happy, know it, and clap our hands!




photo credit: katerha via photopin cc

The "Disrespectful Student" Dilemna!

I'm trying.
I am really trying.

I am trying not to let one kid ruin my enjoyment of my class.

I refuse to let this student get on my last nerve to the point where I lose my cool.

But, it is hard.

And everyday, it gets more difficult.

I understand where it comes from.

When you live in a household where you are king in a house of two, and then come into a classroom of 24, things change.

When the teacher does not treat you the way Mama does at home, it makes the relationship in the classroom difficult.

When Mama thinks you are a "lover" and what you do is cute, the relationship in our room becomes even more difficult, because I don't think it's cute.

I ask my students to be part of our classroom, have fun, be safe, meet my expectations, learn.

There are certain rules that are followed in our classroom, and they need to be followed so that we can continue to thrive the way we do, every day.

I think what bothers me most is the disrespect.
The utter disrespect.

I raised two boys,and I have never had them speak to me the way this child speaks to me.

I love my kids, even the most difficult ones, I have loved the difficult ones. I have difficult ones now, and every day we find a way to make it through the day and enjoy being around each other.

But this one...

Yes, I try to find positive things about him, because there are one or two things.

Yes, I have had conferences with his parent.
Yes, I use my buddy teacher.
Yes, I pick my battles.

Yes, I have used positive reinforcement.

Yes, yes, yes!

I don't really need advice.(But I am willing to accept any.) I just needed to vent. :)

Maybe he will change. Maybe my magic teacher mojo will prevail. :)

We'll see.

photo credit: Wendy Copley via photopin cc

What About Me, Mrs. M?:He's Not the Child He Could Have Been!

After a trying morning with one of my students, I approached his desk. In a quiet voice, I let him know that I was disappointed in the behavior he had been exhibiting. At least I thought I was being quiet. I forgot that my students can hear everything I say when I am NOT talking to them.

One of the boys in my class leaned over to me and said, "What about me, Mrs.M? What about me?", I smiled inwardly. No, I grinned inwardly. You know why? Because this kid, this kid that leaned over, looking, asking, for my approval about his behavior, is that kid.

You know the one, The one at the beginning of the year, other teachers ask, "You have ___________?" They shake their heads, tell you horror stories, and/or sprinkle holy water on you. 

It's funny, because I seemed to get it from all sides about this one. People telling me how horrible he was or how horrible he could be. After the first two weeks his Mom approached me and asked how he was doing. I told her that I loved him. She looked at me as if I was insane. She shook her head, "You wait, she said, he is something else." 

He started acting out about the third week. I took him aside and he began to explain how he had not taken his medication. I told him his meds are his personal business, but with or without them, he is going to behave in an appropriate manner.

A former teacher approached me. "How's ____________________?". I responded, "I love him." She laughed. "But you know when he's not on his meds..." I stopped her. "I'm going to tell you what I told him, his meds are his business. His behavior will be appropriate with or without them." That ended that conversation.

I do love him, he is a joy to have in my classroom. When he started he was gruff. He didn't smile much, and he exuded the " Oh, my gosh, do I have to be here?" attitude every chance he got. But, I noticed he loved a challenge, he was curious, and he was a leader. I worked on him, not by yelling, not by asking him if he were on his meds every single morning, not by kicking him out of the classroom at the first sign of disruption, but by playing to his strengths.

Is he the perfect angel of a child now? By no means. But he isn't the child he could have been. We have signals we use when he begins to get out of control. He takes a 5 minute timeout, or gives me one, in a buddy teacher's room. He comes back after 5 minutes, ready to work, settled. Sometimes, I have to take a "woosah" before I address him. And yeah, some days, I call his name 20 -30 times, but it's all good. : ) He and I understand that, and we work together.

The other day, I had to pick up the snack in the cafeteria, while my class waited in the hallway outside the cafeteria door. Guess who I chose to "watch" my students? Fellow teachers who have experienced him said, "That's a good idea." I play to his strengths, not his weaknesses.

He is a joy. And this kid. This kid who could have been so many "not-so-good" things, is now a kid who cares about what I think of him. What a difference that makes. Wow!

There's No Crying WHILE Teaching!

I am offline until Friday, so I am posting some of my older blog posts from my Wordpress account.

I was watching a Geico commercial where  a psychiatrist told his patient to "Man up!".  Well, not in those words, but that's what he meant. I laughed when he offered the patient the tissue box, and as the sniffling patient reached for the box, instead of handing it to him, he threw it.

 I know, that's cruel, and what type of person must I be to find that funny? But I hold firm to this belief. Do not, under any circumstances, (except sad or happy occasions), cry in front of your students!

This is the scenario: The class is out of control, and you are extremely frustrated. You cry, they feel sorry for you, straighten up, and behave for the remainder of the school year. This is a fairy tale. Instead, you have just demonstrated weakness and they will pounce like lions on a carcass!

Remember the bus monitor Karen Klein? One of the kids asked was she sweating. She replied, "No, I am crying", and my first thought was "Oh,oh." Some of you are fortunate enough not to work with students who would treat you this way, lucky you. But for those of us who are not, please take my advice.

Have I cried because of my frustration with my students? Yes, during my early years of teaching, but never in front of them. If it's that bad, get an adult  to watch your class, run to the nearest bathroom, bawl your eyes out, and go back to your room. After school, find teachers, articles, or videos,online and/or, off who can help with classroom management.

 I recently read a cartoon where a boy says to his friend, "I've made teachers cry before, but this was the first time I made one sob!":) Once they make you cry, because of them, you are theirs for the rest of the year.  (I know there are always exceptions)

I end with words of compassionate advice, "Man up, and wait until you get home to cry!" :)

What are your thoughts?

"Humiliation is Not a Classroom Management Technique!"

 

 

 My youngest son is no angel, not in any way, shape, or form. He had been getting in  "trouble" since preschool. I would go to pick him up and he would wave and grin from the timeout area. He didn't know any better, he was just one of those kids that was always up and about. Back then, if you were that kid, you ended up in timeout.

 When he was in the second grade, I had a conference with his teacher. She couldn't wait for me to sit down as she proclaimed, "He needs to be on medication! You need to put him on medication!" (We won't go into the fact that legally a teacher cannot tell a parent to put their child on medication.) She then proceeded to show me what she did because he could not " behave."

She took his chair, put it facing the blackboard in the front of the room, and then if that wasn't enough, she rolled the hanging chart behind him "so he wouldn't distract the other kids." I saw red! What a humiliating experience for my child! She seemed quite pleased with herself. Needless to say, I contacted the principal immediately and had my child removed from her class.He was placed in a classroom where the teachers practiced strategies that allowed them to deal with kids like my son.

 Last Sunday, I was talking to a parent who has a son in one of the new charter schools in my state. She informed me that her son had to wear the "yellow shirt." The yellow shirt states, "Do not talk to me, I am in isolation." My jaw dropped, and I told her, "Get your child out of that school immediately. She responded, "Oh, it's ok, the shirt is normal."

 Normal? What's normal about having anyone's child walk around with a shirt saying "Don't talk to me"? Using Color coded student ID's according to your test scores?  Showing the class a student's work and mocking them  in front of the class? What's normal about a teacher humiliating a child in the hope that they will behave better? How could this possibly work?  The natural reaction to humiliation is to either shut down, or to become aggressive. The child no longer trusts the teacher and it creates an intolerable situation in the classroom. It can also lead to bullying. If the teacher is allowed to bully a student, why shouldn't the other students?

 I know they "take us there" sometimes. I was one of those teachers who had to stop using sarcasm as a classroom management technique, especially when I had a difficult group of kids. But now, I always think of how I would feel in that situation.  I think about how my sons would feel.

You know the adage, "Treat others the way you want to be treated!"  Now that's a good classroom management technique!

"They Did Not Choose Their Parents!"

These words were spoken at the 2011 PLC Summit I attended in Arizona.  "They didn't choose their genetic pool". "They couldn't say I want two college-educated parents who love me, care for me, and make education my priority."

I realized after hearing this statement,  that many times, I get frustrated with my students  about things over which they have no control.  When they come to school without school supplies,  their parent doesn't sign a form, or  misses a scheduled appointment, or has made the child stay home to babysit, again.

These are things that the student can not control, but yet, year after year, my frustration is placed on a  child, who is probably just as frustrated as I am!  How many times has the child walked in the day after parent-teacher conferences, and I've said, "Your mother scheduled an appointment and didn't come"  The child stands there wide-eyed, not knowing how to reply. Maybe they know why, maybe they don't,but  that's not the issue.

 We need to work around the parents who are not supportive, the ones who just don't have the time.  We need to tell our children, "You do you."  "You do what you need to do to succeed."  Let's not hold them accountable for the mistakes, or neglect, of their parents and guardians.  Let's not make them bear the weight of their parents' transgressions.  Why say to a child who is late every day, "You're late again." Knowing  the only way the child can get to school is if their parent drives them. 


So, I decided to look at this, "blaming the child" thing, I had going on, another way.  I had a student who was out every Monday.   I would fuss at him every Tuesday about the work he had to make up or fuss at him because he didn't understand what I had already taught. 
 "Well", I would say sternly, you need to be here on Mondays."   


The following week, he came to school on Tuesday,  and instead of a  "Glad you could make it", I smiled and said, "I am so glad that you're able to be here today."  His face lit up with a smile,  and he said, sincerely, "So am I."   Instead of fussing, I worked with him and helped him catch up. Changing my attitude, changed his behavior. Even other teachers and my former principal commented on the change in this student.


Was I a" bad" teacher? I don't think so, but I certainly wasn't the best I could be. I'm still learning though, and I'm willing to take a good, hard, look in the mirror, and correct my mistakes.


That student came to visit me at the end of 2011-2012 school year to let me know how well he was doing in the 6th grade! :)