Can We Bring Back Manners?

I wrote this post in 2011, but this week our character trait is manners and t made me think of this post.

Has anyone seen,  "Please", "Thank you", or "Excuse me," ?    I've also put out a Missing Persons for, "I'm sorry" because I think  "My bad" put out a hit on it!

At the beginning of  every school year, I have to teach my students to say "Good Morning" when they walk into the room. If I'm at the door, I have to teach them not to wave or grunt at me, but to actually say, "Good Morning."  The sad part is that it is not just the students who seem to be lacking in this department, but a number of adults as well.

I believe I have enough on my plate that I shouldn't have to teach manners, yet, and still, I do. Throughout the day, behavior I view as common courtesy has to be reinforced, over and over.  When you want something, ask.  If someone is speaking, say excuse me. If you do something accidentally, tell them you're sorry.  Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze.  If you sneeze into the air, you are not, "sneezing on the ground."  You can't interrupt others because you think what you have to say is so much more important.  The list is endless. 

 I'm not blaming  all parents for  this one,  I'm sure there are many parents who have taught their kids manners, but once they leave the house, they shed them like a snake's skin. Some students are content to go through the school day wrapped in layers of  "it's all about me."  I believe that is where it stems.  We have become a society so enthralled with ourselves, that courtesy is a throw-a-way.  How many times do you watch a television show where the characters are courteous and treat each other with respect? (And don't get me started on what some of my 5th graders are watching!)

As I was about to write this post, a friend of mine posted this link on Facebook,   "25 Manners Every Kid Should Know By Age 9"   She must have been reading my mind! :) Here's another article, "Social Skills Kids Need to Succeed."

I know it's not my job, but I do it. My students say thank you to the bus driver when departing from the bus after a field trip.  They say excuse me, when they need to get in front of someone on the line.  They answer, "Yes", and not "What?" when spoken to. And most of all, they say, "I'm sorry". Most of the time they mean it. I witness evidence of my handiwork everyday, and I just hope it ventures beyond my classroom doors.  Manners, so simple, but they make the environment a better place to be for 6 1/2 hours.

I think this was made by a student! We need to remind him calling  people knuckleheads is rude, but otherwise , it works!:)

"Humiliation is Not a Classroom Management Technique!"

 

 

 My youngest son is no angel, not in any way, shape, or form. He had been getting in  "trouble" since preschool. I would go to pick him up and he would wave and grin from the timeout area. He didn't know any better, he was just one of those kids that was always up and about. Back then, if you were that kid, you ended up in timeout.

 When he was in the second grade, I had a conference with his teacher. She couldn't wait for me to sit down as she proclaimed, "He needs to be on medication! You need to put him on medication!" (We won't go into the fact that legally a teacher cannot tell a parent to put their child on medication.) She then proceeded to show me what she did because he could not " behave."

She took his chair, put it facing the blackboard in the front of the room, and then if that wasn't enough, she rolled the hanging chart behind him "so he wouldn't distract the other kids." I saw red! What a humiliating experience for my child! She seemed quite pleased with herself. Needless to say, I contacted the principal immediately and had my child removed from her class.He was placed in a classroom where the teachers practiced strategies that allowed them to deal with kids like my son.

 Last Sunday, I was talking to a parent who has a son in one of the new charter schools in my state. She informed me that her son had to wear the "yellow shirt." The yellow shirt states, "Do not talk to me, I am in isolation." My jaw dropped, and I told her, "Get your child out of that school immediately. She responded, "Oh, it's ok, the shirt is normal."

 Normal? What's normal about having anyone's child walk around with a shirt saying "Don't talk to me"? Using Color coded student ID's according to your test scores?  Showing the class a student's work and mocking them  in front of the class? What's normal about a teacher humiliating a child in the hope that they will behave better? How could this possibly work?  The natural reaction to humiliation is to either shut down, or to become aggressive. The child no longer trusts the teacher and it creates an intolerable situation in the classroom. It can also lead to bullying. If the teacher is allowed to bully a student, why shouldn't the other students?

 I know they "take us there" sometimes. I was one of those teachers who had to stop using sarcasm as a classroom management technique, especially when I had a difficult group of kids. But now, I always think of how I would feel in that situation.  I think about how my sons would feel.

You know the adage, "Treat others the way you want to be treated!"  Now that's a good classroom management technique!